Focusing on Joy this Holiday Season: Lessons from Elleanor

The holiday season is here again... a time filled with laughter, lights, and, ideally, a little more joy. But I’ll be real with you: as adults, joy isn’t always the easiest thing to embrace. Life’s challenges can make us cautious about leaning into the good stuff. There's a part of me that’s always on alert because somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, What if this doesn’t last? What if the other shoe drops?

But then there’s my daughter, Elleanor. She’s not caught up in “what if” thinking. She’s been reminding me what it means to let go and actually feel joy. And if there’s one lesson I’m working on this season, it’s this: joy isn’t just something to experience when everything feels “safe” or perfect. Joy comes from the heart, and we miss out on so much when we don’t let ourselves be fully in it.

Joy in Being Present

Watching Elleanor, I’m learning that joy is rooted in presence. She doesn’t worry about what comes next or if her happiness is temporary. She’s just in it, whether she’s dancing to a song she loves, being goofy, or laughing without reservation at the smallest things.

For her, joy doesn’t require a special occasion. It’s in the now, in whatever is right in front of her. Seeing this, I realize how often I hold back—getting caught up in what’s coming next, managing plans, or bracing for anything that might go wrong. But the more I slow down and focus on what’s happening in the moment, the more joy is there, ready and waiting.

Remembering How to Play

One of the biggest lessons Elleanor’s teaching me is that play matters. Not just for her, but for me, too. As adults, it’s easy to think we’re “too old” for being silly or that we need a “reason” to laugh or let loose. We get caught up in everything that needs doing and forget how powerful it can be to just have fun.

With Elleanor, I’m relearning what it feels like to let go a little. And the more I join her in that, the more I remember that joy doesn’t come from “accomplishing” things or from having it all together. Joy lives in those moments when we just allow ourselves to be—without judgment, without a plan, and without trying to control everything.

Breaking Through the Mental Block Around Joy

Sometimes, I hold back from joy because it feels risky. There’s that part of me that worries if I let myself go all-in on joy, it’ll somehow be taken away and it’ll hurt more because I allowed myself to feel it fully. That mindset has been a tough one to shake, but here’s what I’m starting to understand: holding back doesn’t protect me from anything. All it does is keep me from experiencing life in its fullness.

Fear and caution might keep us “safe” in some ways, but they also block us from connecting with what makes life worth living. When I allow myself to feel joy, I’m choosing hope over fear. And the choice to embrace joy, to play, and to be present with my family is what fills up my resilience tank.

Embracing Joy This Holiday Season

So, here’s my focus this holiday season (and I invite you to join me). Let’s let ourselves experience the kind of joy we see in the little ones in our lives. Let’s go for those moments of laughter, playfulness, and pure presence. Joy doesn’t need to be big or flashy. It doesn’t need a perfect setup. Sometimes it’s just about being there, fully, with the people who matter most.

Joy also isn’t about what might come next. It’s a choice we make in the here and now. It’s letting ourselves trust that even if life brings challenges, there’s still plenty of beauty and goodness to soak in. And that’s what I’m learning from Elleanor: that joy is always there if we’re willing to open our hearts and feel it, without reservation.

This season, let’s give ourselves permission to feel it all, to play a little, and to laugh without holding back. Joy might feel risky, but it’s worth it. Because when we look back on these moments, they’re the ones that remind us why life’s ups and downs are worth it in the first place.