Helping Teens Turn Anxiety Into Resilience with Laura Ollinger
If you’re raising or working with teens right now, you don’t need anyone to tell you that anxiety is on the rise. You see it in late‑night worries before a big test, in the kid who refuses to go to the school dance, or in the young person who looks “shut down” more often than not.
In a recent episode of the Prevention Leaders Podcast, I sat down with teen and parent wellbeing coach Laura Ollinger to talk about what everyday teen anxiety really looks like—and what we can actually do about it.
This blog pulls out some of the most actionable ideas from our conversation. If you want the full depth, stories, and nuance, I strongly encourage you to listen to the full episode once you’re done reading.
Why Teen Anxiety Feels So Big Right Now
Laura makes a helpful distinction between clinical anxiety and what she calls “living room anxiety”:
It’s the stress and fear that pile up around grades, friends, social media, and the future.
It’s not always a diagnosis, but it is very real in day‑to‑day family life.
Teens today are facing:
Massive uncertainty about who they are and where they’re going
Performance pressure around school, sports, and “getting into a good college.”
Constant comparison through social media
Limited life experience to put any of this in perspective
So even “normal” stress can easily tip into something that feels overwhelming.
At the same time, Laura points out a hopeful trend: we’re talking more openly about mental health. More teens and adults are getting support. Rising numbers in treatment aren’t only a red flag—they’re also a sign that people are asking for help instead of hiding.
Step 1: Get Comfortable With Your Own Emotions
Before we coach teens through anxiety, we have to be honest about our own relationship with feelings.
Many of us were raised in homes where emotions were:
Ignored (“You’re fine. Get over it.”)
Shut down (“Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”)
Or only “allowed” in certain forms (anger was okay, sadness wasn’t, etc.)
That makes it tough to sit with a teen’s big emotions without getting anxious ourselves.
Laura recommends starting simple:
Practice finishing the sentence: “I feel ___.”
“I feel worried.”
“I feel stressed.”
“I feel hopeful.”
“I feel proud of you.”
You can build this into daily life:
Around the dinner table, share one high, one low, and how you felt in each moment.
In the car, name your emotion out loud: “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed today.”
This does two things:
Builds your emotional vocabulary.
Models emotional fluency for your teen, without a big lecture.
Step 2: Normalize Talking About Anxiety
For teens, anxiety often feels like a defect: “Everyone else is fine—what’s wrong with me?”
Your job is to normalize, not dramatize or dismiss.
Try language like:
“Feeling anxious before a big test makes sense. It means you care.”
“Of course you’re nervous about asking someone to homecoming. That’s a big step.”
The key is to:
Validate the feeling before you offer any advice.
Avoid reflexive lines like “You’ll be fine” or “You’re overthinking it,” which can make teens feel unseen and less likely to open up in the future.
Step 3: Ask the Two Questions That Change Everything
Parents (and prevention professionals) are wired to fix things. Teens feel anxiety, and we immediately jump into problem‑solving mode: flashcards, study plans, lectures about time management, and so on.
Laura suggests a simple two‑question filter before you respond:
“Do you want to vent, or do you want help?”
If they say “help,” then: “What kind of help would feel useful right now?”
If they want to vent:
Let them.
Put a time boundary around it if that helps you both:
“You’ve got 5–10 minutes. I’ll just listen.”
If they want help:
Shift into curious, coaching mode, not “here’s what you should do” mode.
Ask:
“What do you think your next step could be?”
“What’s one small thing you can do tonight that would help you feel more ready?”
This keeps ownership with your teen, which is crucial for their confidence and long‑term resilience.
Step 4: Help Teens “Be the Decider”
One of Laura’s core messages to teens is the idea of “Be the Decider.”
Even in hard situations, they still have choices:
Do I focus only on everything that could go wrong?
Or do I choose to look for possibility, growth, and what I can control?
You can coach this by asking:
“Given how anxious you feel, what kind of person do you want to be in this situation?”
“If you decided to move toward courage here, what would that look like?”
You’re not pretending the anxiety isn’t there. You’re helping them:
Acknowledge the feeling.
Decide who they want to be while that feeling is present.
Step 5: Turn Anxiety Into Action
Anxiety often spikes around big moments: tests, performances, social events, tryouts, first jobs.
A practical reframe is:
“Anxiety is a sign this matters to you. Let’s use that energy.”
You can walk them through:
Name it: “I’m anxious about this exam because I don’t want to fail.”
Reframe it: “That means I care about my grades and my future.”
Act on it: “So what’s one thing I can do tonight to prepare better?”
Concrete examples:
Test anxiety → build a small study block, review past quizzes, create a one‑page summary.
Social anxiety → plan a simple script (“Hey, want to sit together?”), go with a friend, set a time‑limited goal (stay at the dance for 45 minutes).
The goal isn’t to erase anxiety, but to channel it into preparation and growth.
Step 6: Parent for Connection, Not Just Compliance
In the episode, we talk about classic parenting styles and why warm + firm (authoritative) parenting tends to produce the best outcomes:
Clear expectations and boundaries
Strong warmth, empathy, and emotional connection
If you find yourself swinging toward:
All rules, no warmth (“Because I said so. End of discussion.”), or
All warmth, no structure (“I can’t bear to see you upset, so I’ll remove every obstacle”)
It’s worth gently recalibrating.
A few practical shifts:
Hold firm on safety and core values, but invite conversation:
“You still need to be home by 11, but I’m open to talking about how you’ll get there and who you’re with.”
Use the family mission/code as an anchor:
“In our family, we treat people with respect—even when we’re upset.”
“In our family, we do hard things that help us grow.”
Connection is the foundation that makes every other conversation—about substances, mental health, relationships—possible.
Step 7: Support a Positive Sense of Identity
A lot of teen anxiety is quietly tied to questions like:
“Who am I?”
“Where do I fit?”
“Do I matter?”
You can’t hand them an identity, but you can:
Model one for yourself:
Be more than just “Mom,” “Dad,” or “Professional.” Let them see your hobbies, values, friendships, and service.
Create reflection moments:
“What did you like about yourself in that situation?”
“When did you feel most like ‘you’ this week?”
Invite them into service:
Volunteering, helping a neighbor, supporting younger students—all give teens a lived experience of being useful and impactful.
Those experiences quietly answer: “Yes, you matter here.”
Want to Go Deeper? Listen to the Full Conversation with Laura
This blog highlights some of the most practical tools from my conversation with Laura Ollinger, but we barely scratched the surface of her wisdom here.
In the full episode, we talk more about:
How Laura works with teens and parents together (not either/or)
Real stories from her own home with four teenagers
What to do when you feel like you “blew it” as a parent
How to repair and reconnect after conflict
If you’re a prevention leader, a parent, or someone who supports families, this episode will give you language, frameworks, and hope you can bring straight into your next conversation.
👉 Listen to the full episode: “Helping Teens Turn Anxiety Into Resilience with Laura Ollinger” on the Prevention Leaders Podcast.
Then share it with one parent or colleague who’s walking alongside teens right now. We really are better together.
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Resources & Links:
Listen to her daughter's podcast: Cavaliers and Conversations
About the guest
Laura Ollinger is a Teen & Parent Well-Being Coach who helps families navigate the ups and downs of adolescence with calm, confidence, and connection. She holds a Master’s in Health and Wellness Education and is a National Board-Certified Health & Wellness Coach, blending neuroscience, emotional regulation, and practical parenting tools to help teens thrive and parents feel more equipped. A mom of four teens based in Austin, TX, Laura is the founder of Positively Healthy Coaching and host of The Positively Healthy Mom Podcast.
